I know you are suffering and I feel there is little I can do to ease that deep pain for you. I wish I could. When I look into your eyes, I see the same sorrow and confusion and grief that I have navigated and at times still navigate. But you are in the thick of it now and I know that this is a very difficult place to be.
And a lonely place too.
Things that you once clung to are crumbling and this change can feel like a personal assault on you, reaching down to your very core. This is hard work, perhaps one of the hardest kinds of work that we as humans can do, and yet it is quiet work, done in the depth of silence and sometimes despair.
It will get easier, but it will take time.
This pain is your medicine and while I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, if you stay with it and stop looking for escape routes you will reap the benefits that come when you are able to live in the truth of your own life.
Right now you are navigating more pain than can fit into your human lifetime. This pain is ancient and confronting. There is much that has been lost, and yet it will all return to you at exactly the right time. Trust.
Stay with it. Breathe into it. Witness the stories that live in that pain, and need only to be acknowledged.
It is only yourself that you are becoming acquainted with, and you are so much older than you think.
This work is a mystery – you don’t have to understand, merely acknowledge.
After my 40 days in the desert and much humbling and difficult inner work I became more myself, embodied, knowing how I truly felt, connected more deeply to the earth on which I walk and understanding a little more about of the pain of others.
In retrospect that sounds a fair trade off, but no one chooses to do this work. It is something that some of us go through and others will never have to navigate. And this is just another part of the ever-evolving mystery.
So my beloved friend, know that I walk beside you, even though you can’t see me. Know that there are countless guides who sit with you as you navigate these challenging times.
Know that you are beautiful beyond measure and that this work you are doing will benefit many others.
Our vulnerabilities, our weaknesses, our shame, they are not the things we must avoid. If they are given the time and understanding they need, they can become strong allies, reminding us to take care of ourselves, to create strong boundaries, to own up to the damage we have caused and the mistakes made.
We are just like every other flawed and beautiful human on this planet, and yet we are our own unique person at the same time. We did what we could with the awareness we had, and as we learn, we do better and we help others around us to do better too.
This is mighty work you are doing and there are mighty invisible helpers stroking your back and giving you the strength to keep moving forward.