Heal fraught relationships with Ho’oponopono

Heal Fraught Relationship

We all have people in our lives that we worry about. They may be in the clutches of addiction, they may be unwell, or we may have become estranged from them because of their bad behaviour. 

There are also people in our lives who hurt us and make us angry and whose very presence feels toxic to us.

Ho’ponopono is an ancient, simple and effective way to heal these relationships while at the same time healing ourselves and spreading the qualities of love and harmony in our world. 

Ho’oponopono originated in Hawaii as a healing method based on forgiveness. In it, the practitioner visualizes the person that has wronged them or that they have wronged and they say these four sentences to them in their mind.

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

According to the Hawaiian worldview, the literal translation of Ho'oponopono is ‘to put to right; to put in order or shape, correct, revise, adjust, amend, regulate, arrange, rectify, tidy up, make orderly or neat.” 

According to Jonathan Davis on Uplift, Ho'oponopono came to wider attention through the work of a Hawaiian shaman, Dr. Hew Len. His perspective is the idea of taking responsibility for more than your personal self because ‘you are in me and I am in you’. His way of expressing Ho’oponopono contains an awareness that the discordance we find in others and in the world outside ourselves is due to ‘errors’ in thought stored in our personal and collective memories.

Read this interesting article for more information:


It is advised to keep repeating the four sentences until you feel a shift - a more harmonious energy between you and the person you are visualising.

I know that it can seem counter-intuitive to say sorry to someone who has wronged you, but this practice is at the core of the unconventional wisdom of Ho’oponopono and when you use these four powerful sentences the wisdom will be revealed.

I have found when using it I can finally understand the problem from the point of view of the person that has hurt me, and I can understand the hurt in their own lives that have led them to act in such a way.

Through this process, I can often find true compassion for someone who has hurt me, and from there it is easier to think good thoughts about that person and to wish them well.

Ho’oponopono also works well with people that are unwell mentally and physically. And when you feel powerless to help somebody who is grieving, or who are suffering these four sentences can show us a way to connect with the person in a loving and life-giving way.

 The best part is that we don’t need to be in someone’s physical presence for Ho’oponopono to be effective. We can be separated from this person by geography or time and it still works just as wonderfully.

 We can also send Ho’oponopono to our loved ones who have died. It is a great way for us to recognize that this person is still alive but just not in this world. We can send them our love and our forgiveness and our gratitude and it is heartening to feel connected to those we are missing in the physical world.

Ho’oponopono offers forgiveness, love, and harmony to fraught relationships and can bring relief and healing. It is a simple and effective medicine for the soul and it is worth trying so you can feel for yourself the transformative potential of four simple, short sentences.

Give it a try with someone that has wronged you, or whom you have wronged and please let me know how it goes for you.

I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

And to help you use Ho'oponopono effectively I have a meditation video that can help you bring the practice into your daily life in a very simple way.




  • Emma Farry

    Kia ora @Katherine, we cannot control how Ho’oponopono does its magic, but we can trust that it will deliver the best outcome for all parties. Keep going with it and be kind to yourself. Meditation is another good tool for bringing positivity to a toxic situation. Here is a link to a guided meditation that might help.
    Keep in touch Katherine.
    Nga mihi nui,

  • Emma Farry

    Kia ora @Ritu, I’m so happy that Ho’oponopono is taking you to a better place in your life. It really works doesn’t it? Please keep going and keep sharing how things are going x

  • Emma Farry

    Kia ora @Tom, we have no control over how Ho’oponopono works but we can trust that it will work in the most loving way possible for all concerned. Keep going Tom and you will find increased peace of heart and acceptance of the situation.

  • Tom

    Hi, does hooponopono work to heal a relationship where the ex partner no longer wants to deal with us, to make the other person retrace their steps?

  • ritu

    I have doing this for two years it put me out of depression,anxiety and fears that kept me from manifesting good life. Do it and feel the change😘

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