Heal fraught relationships with Ho’oponopono

Heal Fraught Relationship

We all have people in our lives that we worry about. They may be in the clutches of addiction, they may be unwell, or we may have become estranged from them because of their bad behaviour. 

There are also people in our lives who hurt us and make us angry and whose very presence feels toxic to us.

Ho’ponopono is an ancient, simple and effective way to heal these relationships while at the same time healing ourselves and spreading the qualities of love and harmony in our world. 

Ho’oponopono originated in Hawaii as a healing method based on forgiveness. In it, the practitioner visualizes the person that has wronged them or that they have wronged and they say these four sentences to them in their mind.

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

According to the Hawaiian worldview, the literal translation of Ho'oponopono is ‘to put to right; to put in order or shape, correct, revise, adjust, amend, regulate, arrange, rectify, tidy up, make orderly or neat.” 

According to Jonathan Davis on Uplift, Ho'oponopono came to wider attention through the work of a Hawaiian shaman, Dr. Hew Len. His perspective is the idea of taking responsibility for more than your personal self because ‘you are in me and I am in you’. His way of expressing Ho’oponopono contains an awareness that the discordance we find in others and in the world outside ourselves is due to ‘errors’ in thought stored in our personal and collective memories.

Read this interesting article for more information:


It is advised to keep repeating the four sentences until you feel a shift - a more harmonious energy between you and the person you are visualising.

I know that it can seem counter-intuitive to say sorry to someone who has wronged you, but this practice is at the core of the unconventional wisdom of Ho’oponopono and when you use these four powerful sentences the wisdom will be revealed.

I have found when using it I can finally understand the problem from the point of view of the person that has hurt me, and I can understand the hurt in their own lives that have led them to act in such a way.

Through this process, I can often find true compassion for someone who has hurt me, and from there it is easier to think good thoughts about that person and to wish them well.

Ho’oponopono also works well with people that are unwell mentally and physically. And when you feel powerless to help somebody who is grieving, or who are suffering these four sentences can show us a way to connect with the person in a loving and life-giving way.

 The best part is that we don’t need to be in someone’s physical presence for Ho’oponopono to be effective. We can be separated from this person by geography or time and it still works just as wonderfully.

 We can also send Ho’oponopono to our loved ones who have died. It is a great way for us to recognize that this person is still alive but just not in this world. We can send them our love and our forgiveness and our gratitude and it is heartening to feel connected to those we are missing in the physical world.

Ho’oponopono offers forgiveness, love, and harmony to fraught relationships and can bring relief and healing. It is a simple and effective medicine for the soul and it is worth trying so you can feel for yourself the transformative potential of four simple, short sentences.

Give it a try with someone that has wronged you, or whom you have wronged and please let me know how it goes for you.

I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you

And to help you use Ho'oponopono effectively I have a meditation video that can help you bring the practice into your daily life in a very simple way.




  • Akansha

    This prayer genuinely works if recited by heart out of love and oneness.

  • Aachal Bhatia

    I am doing this prayer I hope it will work for me too.

  • Rajeev Panchal

    I’m leading a terribly miserable life right now. Please help me heal.

  • Baby

    Dear Parvez
    I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.

    I pray for your and my healing.

  • Sylvie

    I read somewhere that it works best if you keep at it for at least 16 days to feel a change as that’s how long it takes for new habits to form when done repetitively. I was lucky it transformed my mindset and lifted a very heavy tension between myself and someone in just an evening. We’re now communicating on a heart level again. Keep at it and make sure it’s about you taking responsibility for yourself and your part in any pain experienced and asking forgiveness of yourself as you can only control your perspective, thoughts and actions ❤️🙏

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